constantly constrained

on repeat track:
Cleopatra by The Lumineers

the sun is up and for heaven sakes please let me try again.

havent being well for this exact past month cause of something that makes me unmotivated for doing quite anything but my daily iterations. something that made me losing the joy of the things that i love the most like reading the books, listening to music, using my phone and even writing here, but i do not know what is. my journal too become affected and filled up by like a one sentences per day only…therefore i had no thought to be poured into this blank draft for quite sometimes. the cause is maybe have any connection with the change of the weather that currently being going, the fall is coming and i thought i might had an autumn blues (or perhaps i just make it up as a validation for the laziness that i had), even though this country obviously doesn’t have the season.

but what i feel is real. people called it slump. the situation wherein a short, sharp, as well as a more gradual decline, prolonged period of low activity or value. it can be on anything, say it the specific one or more the one prevalent. the shift was so sudden that i left dumbfounded when one period of month was past by just like that. is not like i tied over my chair every single day, in that time interval i do quite a lot (a lot for my own capacity); i met my friends and more so the old ones, id tidying up my portfolio, do my others hobbies and tried to find the new one. yet the less pleasure of doing the things that formerly made me feel alive as a being and enjoy it exceedingly was still linger without cease.

it even took me so much just to write till this very words like how the mood must be set fittingly and the prep were done pleasantly. otherwise i might left it undone again just like how i put off others, idk, maybe 9 drafts being uncompleted with only like 2–3 sentences included behind. yeah i found myself hilarious too at the moment. at least this time i barely manage to make a lot more portion. i will try to complete the other ones when i get back my, what should i called it, wellness? motivation? what ever it was, and my sick minds were healed.

but for the time being, i think i have reached my limit,
so let me hit the hay just like any other day. ciao